JOURNEY OF LIFE
Marriage
Embracing sacred responsibility
Learn what the Sikh Dharam teaches about marriage
Worldly and spiritual flourishing
Because human bonds and families create the building blocks of society, Sikhs consider marriage to be an important endeavour, or karaj, for worldly and spiritual flourishing.
Marriage is given great sanctity, as the home to welcome and nurture new life. How to create serenity in a marriage and home becomes a vital and challenging goal that tests and carves us spiritually. How to cultivate fidelity, in our very thoughts processes as well as actions, is also a vital goal, to build a foundation of underlying connection and trust. Hence, in Sikh tradition, family life, or grihasti jeevan, is part of the spiritual path.
Anand Karaj, or ‘blissful endeavour’, is the Sikh wedding ceremony that represents the journey of the inner being to reconnect and unite with its Divine source. Through the four rounds, the couple make a profound commitment to the Guru as they circle around the scriptural teachings, in a spirit of loving sacrifice to the Guru as their lifelong anchor of wisdom. In Sikh verse, the bridal ornaments are the spiritual virtues of compassion, contentment, integrity, humility and love that bring each of us – both men and women – true beauty and strength, and make us at one with God.
Such virtues provide tools for our relationships with each other and our children, where love expands, from being a feeling or emotional need, to requiring selflessness and sacrifice. More than a contract between partners, marriage becomes a lever for shared spiritual growth. When governed by virtues, it helps to fosters innate dispositions in our children as members of society
Sikh teachings on marriage
In Sikh teaching, the inner self of all humans (whether you are a man or woman), is often portrayed as a jeev-istree, a female being. The ornaments which beautify us are spiritual virtues such as love, truth, wisdom, humility and compassion. Without embodying these virtues, any other ‘bridal decoration’ remains superficial. As men and women, when we cultivate such virtues we build our connection with our Divine Beloved. Without the practice of these virtues, there is no inner beauty, just as without inner substance, any outward ritual is empty.
During the Anand Karaj, the couple are linked together with a palla or sash. This marks the start of their new bond; and in a spiritual sense, our various worldly ties fade into the distance as we form a conscious bond with our Creator. The couple then circle four times around the Guru Granth Sahib Ji, as four verses are sung, turn by turn. The circling expresses devotion and indebtedness to the Guru and a commitment to anchor one’s life in the Guru’s teachings.
Each verse that is sung is known as a laanv, meaning ‘to leave previous bonds and form new ones’. This signifies a process of breaking away. Just as, in Indian tradition, the bride would leave her family home, our inner self becomes detached from the world as we understood it. Each laanv portrays a new stage of spiritual awareness to transform how we will live henceforth.
Nurturing a marriage
The Baháʼí teachings on marriage offer simple yet profound directions for the formation of a healthy marriage to contribute to a unified world. These teachings include:
1. Investigating the character of the potential marriage partner
2. Encouraging chastity before marriage
3. Gaining permission from all parents before the marriage is finalised
4. The couple performing the ceremony themselves
5. Regarding the union of husband and wife as an eternal spiritual bond
6. Maintaining unity between the couple as a constant, lifelong goal
7. Bringing children into the world through marriage
8. Both husband and wife are equal in the eyes of God
A parental partnership
Before and after having children, both parents are still evolving as individuals as well as partners. Therefore preparation within one’s relationship is deemed an important step before planned pregnancies.
Children thrive in environments where they feel emotionally secure and loved by their parents and surrounding caregivers. In human cultures around the world, the sanctity of marriage has long provided an ideal basis to create such environments and respond to a child’s need for parental love and harmony.
Whilst parenthood is a huge responsibility, some children grow up in taxing circumstances, experiencing parental discord, dispute or divorce. Statistics show that 80% of criminals come from broken homes. Therefore, no matter what the family circumstances are, prioritising the child’s needs is always important.
The Anand Karaj
The word anand means joy, peace or bliss. Karaj is a purposeful action or endeavour. Named ‘Anand Karaj’, the Sikh wedding ceremony is seen as a
joyous and purposeful enterprise on our worldly and spiritual life journey. At the heart of the ceremony is Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, the revered sacred scripture that is majestically enthroned before the couple and the congregation.
The main part of the Anand Karaj is the melodious singing of four wedding verses, as the couple circle Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji four times. Before each round, the bride and groom pause to sit side by side before the Guru, to contemplate the recitation of each wedding verse before it is sung. In all, the couple will bow before the sacred scripture at least 13 times, humbly pledging to live in harmony with the Guru’s teachings.
The Anand Karaj unites the couple and sanctifies their bond, bestowing blessings for their shared life journey ahead. It inspires within them deep devotion and commitment, to one another and to the Guru as their anchor of eternal wisdom. Each stage also evokes the awakening and blossoming of the human spirit, on its journey to reconnect with God or Waheguru, the wondrous and infinite Source of all life, and of our own very being.
Stages of the Anand Karaj
On the morning of the wedding, the brides family welcomes the groom and his family to the Gurudwara.
Following a supplication of thanksgiving for their arrival, milniya take place. These are formal introductions and greetings. The first introduction is between the bride and groom’s fathers, followed by any other relations the families wish to formally introduce.
The guests are all served morning tea before entering the Guru Darbar for the Anand Karaj.
1. Guests enter the Guru Darbar
On entering the Guru Darbar (the ‘Guru’s court’) all guests are invited to pay their respects to Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, the scripture enthroned as Guru. Sikhs will bow and place their foreheads ‘at the Guru’s feet’. Other guests may choose to stand, putting their hands together as a sign of respect, or to lightly bow their heads, as is comfortable.
2. The groom enters the Guru Darbar
Entering the Guru Darbar, the groom carries a set of ramalla sahibs – beautifully sewn and decorated fabrics to adorn the sacred scripture like royal robes. Gifting these in thanksgiving, the groom will bow before the Guru, before sitting down.
3. The Kurmaai ceremony
The engagement ceremony, or kurmaai, may take place on the same day as the Anand Karaj, or be carried out during a separate occasion beforehand. Following the ardas prayer of supplication, the sacred scripture is opened at random to reveal the Guru’s hukamnama or sacred edict.
Following a special recitation of the kurmaai or engagement verses, the bride’s family present the groom with engagement gifts.
4. The groom sits in front of the Guru
In preparation for the bride’s arrival, the groom will sit in front of the Guru on the right hand side, leaving space for the bride to be seated to his left.
5. The bride enters the Darbar
The bride is accompanied to the Guru’s Darbar by her close family members, with her father or a paternal figure walking beside her. She will also carry ramalla sahibs to be gifted to the Guru. On arrival she will pay her respects to the Guru before sitting next to the groom.
6. Commencement of the Anand Karaj ceremony
The couple and both sets of parents now stand for an ardas prayer of supplication, seeking permission to begin the wedding ceremony. This is followed by the reading of a further hukamnama or sacred edict from the Guru, to guide and bless the couple.
7. Giving of the palla
The bride’s father, or a respected elder, links the couple together with a palla or sash to mark the start of the couple’s new bond. Spiritually, this also marks the fading of worldly ties as we form a conscious bond with our Creator.
Drawing on familiar cultural traditions of the bride leaving her family home, the palla evokes the path of learning to live detached from the world, and from the mind’s ego, whilst seeing God’s light in all.
8. The Lāvān
Lāvān (plural) is the name of the four wedding verses that form the main part of the Anand Karaj ceremony.
Firstly, the couple sit to attentively listen to the recitation of each verse or laanv (singular). Then, they rise to slowly circle Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, as the instruments begin to play and the very same verse is sung. Each time the couple rise or sit down, they bow to express their devotion and indebtedness to the Guru. Once all four verses are recited, and the four rounds are completed, the couple are wed.
Each laanv portrays a new stage of awareness and inward blossoming, as we detach from the world as we once knew it, to embrace a fresh vision of our purpose and potential. The bride vividly evokes the Sikh view of the Divine light latent in every person, that brightens as we harmonise with nām, the Creator’s benevolent energy and resonance. The bride’s jewels signal Divine virtues, that bring true beauty, richness and dignity to every human being.
Laav 1: Focus
The first laav is the stage of bringing a spiritual focus into your life. This is by pledging to practise dharam, a spiritually-attuned way of living. With such a focus, you become earnest in practising simran (meditative remembrance), you intuitively steer away from wrong-doing and you direct your loving attention to the Guru. This brings inner cleansing and the change affects your whole being; you begin to taste a sublime sweetness. In this laav, you commit to the spiritual path as you commit to the person who will walk it with you.
Laav 2: Awakening
In the second laav, your connection with the Guru leads you to become deeply aware of God’s presence infused in all places, within you and way beyond you. You feel an awe, which is like a beautiful, loving fear of this infinite sacredness. Through this, the grip of the stubborn, selfish ego is dissolved. Touched by this profound feeling, you are inspired to sing divine praises. You begin to hear the sound-current of the Divine, which reverberates through existence. In this second laav, the Guru leads the jeev-istree, one’s inner being, to meet and resonate with God as the Divine Beloved.
Laav 3: Yearning
In the third laav, your awakening fills you with a feeling of spiritual love. Your yearning grows to connect with God. You feel deeply blessed to have found the company of saintly, enlightened people who have led you to make this connection. This good fortune is written upon your forehead. Inwardly, you sense that your destiny is being fulfilled. In this third laav, you feel the joy of finding those who will help you connect to the Divine.
Laav 4: Connection
In the fourth laav, you reach the ultimate stage of profound inner peace where the bond with the Supreme Soul has been harmoniously made. It brings a sweetness to the mind and body. The fruit of the mind’s spiritual desire has been found and the vibration of the Divine Name begins to resound in the heart, as if a flower has blossomed at long last. In the fourth laav, the connection with the Divine Beloved is complete.
9. Thanksgiving hymns
Following the completion of the four lāvān, kirtan or devotional singing takes place, to give praise to the Creator and the Guru’s guiding light.
10. Conclusion of the Anand Karaj
Everyone is invited to stand and join the couple in the final ardas or prayer of supplication. The sacred scripture is then ceremonially opened at random for a concluding hukamnama to be recited. The Guru’s edict is received as a guiding message for the couple on their journey of marriage. The prayers of the sangat or congregation are also seen to bring intangible blessings.
11. Thanksgiving
As final gesture of thanksgiving, Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji is adorned with the beautifully sewn ramalla sahibs that were gifted by the bride and groom. The revered scripture is then adorned again with a garland of fresh flowers.
To mark the Guru’s hospitality and blessings equally to all, a sweet, warm mixture known as parshad is distributed. Prayerfully prepared by cooking butter, sugar, flour and water, a small portion is received by everyone in cupped hands.
All are invited to partake also in langar, a blessed vegetarian meal served from the Guru’s egalitarian kitchen.
12. Signing of the registry
The Anand Karaj, in a way, aligns the couple to a spiritual law of inner goodness. Afterwards, the couple and congregation remain seated for the signing of the civil registry, which makes the union legally binding under secular law. Rings may also be exchanged at this point.
13. A 'Guru-centred' life
The Anand Karaj orients the newlyweds to put spiritual wisdom at the centre of their journey, across all the challenges and opportunities they will encounter, both around them and within them. Sikh means a ‘learner’ and marriage is highly valued as a path of co-learning for spiritual growth, that can positively impact future generations as well as the wider world. In Sikh teaching, such flourishing comes about through a Guru-centred way of life, as the Anand Karaj so poignantly reminds us.
